There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. If someone tells you that their marriage is perfect, they are lying and just trying to make the world think they and their lives are perfect. But that isn’t possible. No one is perfect! People are unique, different from one another, which means there will be conflicts in those unique personalities.
My husband and I have been living in an imperfect marriage for almost 23 years now. In those 23 years, we have loved, and we have hated. Yes, we have hated each other! Oh, my goodness, who admits that?!?! Yet, it is true. We have gotten so lost in our arguments that we eventually actually hated each other! Hate is a terrible emotion that can consume our entire being. But hate is an emotion, just like being happy or feeling in love. It comes, and it goes.
Hate is an intense emotion. It plants its seed deep and it festers. In fact, that is what creates hate, letting things fester. One of my most significant imperfections is letting things fester! I don’t like confrontation, and I avoid it like the plague. Avoiding confrontation is how I allow pet peeves to fester and become significant issues. Such as when my husband doesn’t give me his full attention when I am discussing something with him, by the way, that is one of his most significant imperfections! I will ignore the fact that he “didn’t hear me” or “forgot” what I told him day by day for a few days, maybe even a few months, and then suddenly I explode. The confrontation is no longer something I can ignore, and it indeed won’t be as simple as a discussion. As I begin to fill my heart with the hatred I feel for his actions or inaction’s, it is easier to let more of it in.
Hate is like that. It festers and festers until it explodes. Once that happens it seems there is no going back! However, that isn’t so. You can come back from hate, as long as you understand that it is just an emotion. The first step is to forgive. Your partner is not perfect, neither are you. You need to forgive those imperfections only as you would hope they could forgive your imperfections. If you are not willing to let a conversation or an action go, you are setting yourself up for even more heartache.
Next, you need to be patient. Your feelings of hate did not develop overnight, neither will your total forgiveness. It takes a significant amount of purposeful effort to push those harsh and destructive feelings aside. I say purposeful effort because you must put forth the effort to dissolve those feelings, it is something you have to work on, not something that will just happen because you will it. Pray, ask for strength from God. Ask for his grace. If he can grant you grace to be forgiven, you can do the same for others.
I am imperfect. I am an imperfect wife. I am living life imperfectly with God’s grace.