Imperfect Christian,  Imperfect Life

What Led Me Down This Path

What led me to create my blog?

What led me down this path?

My whole life I have been a mom. Even before I had children of my own, I helped raise my two younger brothers whom my mother had when I was in my teens. The oldest of the two is only eight years older than my oldest son, and the youngest of the two is six years older than my oldest. I have loved being a mom. It’s been my entire identity for all of my adulthood. I had often been ridiculed by other women, in both supportive and negative ways, for feeling that being a mom was my only identity. However, I enjoyed being a mom, and I felt complete.

My world came crashing down around me when my oldest two graduated from high school. Suddenly they were both in the Army, adults, married. The cruel realization hit me that my younger two would soon also be adults, living their own lives away from me. I had no idea what I would do with myself without a house full of children! Who was I going to be? How would I feel productive and fulfilled without children to raise?

The answer came to me in church. Our Pastor had asked us to pray to God to help show us our path. How in the world did my Pastor know that I was wrestling with that exact issue? He asked us to ask God to help us with what troubled us, to ask Him to show us the way. And so I did. I said, “Lord, please show me who I am, if I’m not a mother. Who is this person residing in my shell? Please guide me to my purpose. Please guide my heart and soul to the beginning of my new path!” Just then, as though whispered in my ear, I heard, “you are a writer.” It was soft and gentle and made me look around to see who whispered it, but all heads were bowed, and all eyes were closed. I bowed my head again and closed my eyes to listen and pray. The next thing I heard was, “you are imperfect, but you have God’s grace.” I immediately knew what my new path was. I knew without a doubt that I was to try to become a writer. I would write about the imperfectness of people, of lives and how no matter who imperfect people and their lives are, God still grants them grace. I know this because I am flawed. I have lived an imperfect life, and I know that I have God’s grace. I went home from church and spent the rest of the day researching how to start a blog.

It is an imperfect blog. It still has a long way to go to become what I visualize it to be, but you need to visualize your goals to achieve them. Truly believing in myself is a skill I never quite learned. I still have all these whispers in my head that tell me I am not good enough; I don’t offer enough, I should be ashamed of myself. I had my fears about writing so openly about my life, to which my husband, being always supportive, said: “start out anonymously, you don’t have to put your name out there, don’t a lot of writers use pseudonyms?” After which, he smirked at me and requested acknowledgment for using a big word and actually knowing what it meant! His support and suggestion gave me the courage to take the first step down this new path. Holding on to fears gives them power, my husband is always there to make sure I let go of my fears and fly.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said that the reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

I’m doing it. Probably imperfectly to many of the pro bloggers out there, but I am doing it. I will struggle. I will fall, but I will get back up again and try again. Someone once said that you create from what you know, I wish I could remember where I heard that, but I like it. I know my life, my struggles, the lessons I have learned, and I hope that whoever you are that is reading this blog learn from my imperfectness. I hope you feel inspired. I hope you too, hear the whisper that leads you to your new path. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and open your heart and soul to God. He doesn’t always answer immediately, but He does answer when it is time. Do this often until you hear your answer! Feel free to let me know in the comments what He has answered for you.

Have a blessedly imperfect day!

 

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